I think I need to post something from my childhood to make my parents feel better about my last post-not super exciting but let it be known I have a solid plan B as an amazing ballerina. Also-lil Kim! Where are you?? I love you!! Teach me how to do your sprite trick!!
Lil Kim will you be my friend? I don’t want the male genitalia tonight
Brad!!! QUIT IT!!!! I’m exploring my sexuality!!!! Let it go!!!!! And your mom still owes me money!!!
Ash- please don’t get like this
Hey mom? Dad? I’m sorry you guys broke up- but I’m having a pretty kick ass time studying abroad. I kinda met someone who wants to get married so if you could send a little cash my way that would be awesome. And mom-I love you-you’re totally my hero
I haven’t been following you on Instagram-I’m sorry about that. But I missed you too Ashley.
Ash-I feel a little hurt. I didn’t want to say this after-what’s it been? 4 years? But I hated that Brad wanted you- and then you made out with him. But it’s awesome to see you and I’m officiating the wedding sooooooo...... also I’m in room 1489.
Okay,first of all Brad- I have a two syllable name. Secondly please do NOT suddenly pretend to be soooooo self righteous. I remember junior year!! After the play!! OKAY!! Also-FYI- being kind and gentle isn’t always unimaginative!! Sometimes it’s the easy way OUT!!!
Ash- remember when you said I wasn’t your type? Yeah- I thought that your vague rejection meant that either your were too kind to be cruel or gentle and unimaginative . So yeah, while I love the numbing quality of tequila and sugar- you should know I’m joining the peace corps to piss my parents off and also attempt to die a death of nobility. I’m building a small well somewhere-I haven’t been assigned my country yet.
Omg they are fighting again- I literally was her maid of honor and totally thought they hated each other. But seriously, Brad, we should totally get a margarita. I mean, don’t you think she’s sooooo dramatic??
Leenie is fine babe-she’s like a water baby- can we just talk before my flight? Maybe go for a hike or something? I feel distant from you Ken
Ken, I know you’re mad and want to take it out on me for being so dramatic. But PLEASE think about about twins!!!
Also-I like this shot better barbs -and I didn’t mean to infer that you are a passport (though kinda-into heaven). I meant I found your passport in the bathroom. I kinda feel like your pic could be improved upon though.
Babe- you’re passport is right here. Quit freaking out. Just chill. You need to get laid babe.
Thank you to the Alliance for Women In Media Foundation- I’ve moved up from a Stony Award to a Gracie Award!
Happy Father’s Day!! I love you so much dad! And feel compelled by social media to let everyone know!!!
I’m resentful once again that I’m not the center of attention
Hell yeah Jenny!!!! The sister I needed in my life! I love you! If you’re in the la area check out the best pizza in town @milosro
Happy Mother’s Day!
Tomorrow night is the season 6 finale of @mom_cbs! See you next season- cannot be more grateful to my amazing cast, writers, and fans- I love you all
It turns out it was me- I love you Shaggy
Hey Todd Garner- you’re not really an asshole- just put me in a movie- I love and adore you- link in story!
Finally in the clubhouse!!!!
What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar? #ad
I guess yesterday was National Siblings Day- I have no idea what that means- I forgot- here’s a picture of me and my brother- I love you Bob
I’m clearly terrified about my bangs.
Chelsea I got your fucking book. Thank you. I will never read it because I don’t know how to read. I love you. Okay fine I will because you are wise and grumpy.
My plan B- taking my one man band on the road- one tin solider rides alone- but not without everyone I love
Dramatically annoying pic where I want to look cute but not cute
Getting baller lessons from Allison Janney
I skinned my knee in a very dramatic fashion
I made a bite of yogurt with apricot jam look like the tiniest poached egg. I’m very proud I completed resolution immediately. I love you all
Yes! My New Years resolution is already completed!
Ahhhhhh!!!!! I stole my child’s sword!!!! Yes!
Premature birth and stillbirth are the leading cause of death of newborns in our country and around the world. Please consider joining me in supporting the Global Alliance to Prevent Prematurity and Stillbirth. It’s easy! Please visit GAPPS.org and click on the blue Donate button. Thank you! Also- this is me in a hammock.
This will make him mad-little sisters unite!!!
Happy Birthday Mom! I love you!!
Michael Sherman is making me post more photos and I’m annoyed-but I love you guys
one taught me love, one taught me patience, and one taught me pain #thankunext
Sim doesn’t realize that I’m about to drop his newborn