'the president's remarks on the 4th will be apolitical' they say. Let me guess: No collusion, no obstruction, Sleepy Joe, fake news, witch hunt, nobody thought I could get to 270, lock her up...and, oh yeah, happy birthday America.
Tanks in the streets now? Shall we review the Dictator Checklist? You're a narcissist who likes to put his name on buildings...you appoint family members to key govt positions..your rallies are scary...you threaten to lock up political opponents..your friends are other dictators. You "joke" about being President for Life...a major news station becomes State TV...you lie so freely your supporters don't know the truth and don't expect it...you use your office for personal financial gain... yes, it can happen here.
Hope Howard and I gave you a good show yesterday. And if we did...beginner’s luck!
I brought them luck today! Down to the last out! Go #Mets
Look who came to my show in El Paso tonight, @BetoORourke. Crowd went nuts, same last night when his name came up in Austin. Dems could do a lot worse than putting some of THAT on the ticket.
So much to talk about - and we got it all out last night in Austin! Thank you, what a crowd...looking for more Texas love tonight at the Plaza in El Paso. Wall jumpers get in free!! https://bit.ly/2GSCuCa
..my question for those congressmen defending him yesterday: Really? That's your guy? I know "I'm with her" was a lame slogan, but knowing who Trump is, your deal is "I'm with him"? With that scummy human being? Got it.
Cohen said today in answer to why he's doing this, because he worries even if Trump loses, he will not leave office - which is what I've been saying from the beginning, to a chorus of "Oh, no, you're paranoid". Maybe not so much.
Trump, could you please stop mixing up climate and weather?!! Jesus, even the Indian at the Lincoln Memorial is like "Stop beating the same drum!"
Always make the devil laugh, that’s my philosophy. Comes in handy if you wind up in hell.
The Science Guy dropped by the green room after Friday’s show. Stumped as to why the room is called “green”. So was Josh Green.
The new season starts tomorrow!
Oh, look, it got fixed already.
To those Incels who defaced my billboard, I just want you to know, I will follow you to the gates of your parents' basement! And thanks for the free publicity, Real Time is back Friday night!
Hard to believe it’s 8 years for this picture. Thank u my Hawaiian New Years compadres, I can’t imagine doing it any other way. And Happy New Year everybody on Facebook and Instagram thanks for sticking with me to
Californians: Want to help pass the strongest law in the world for farm animal protection? Vote #YesOn12 in November, and share this post! www.aspca.org/yesonprop12
The barbecue I put on to atone for missing show (mechanical, not drugs!) in Jan. In Dallas was a hit! Love u Big D!
The traditional Stooges shot with Sean and Eddie - 6th annual! Happy new year everybody!!
Margaret Cho adoring me after our New Years extravaganza
I'm supporting @projectchimps this #GivingTuesday. They are raising funds to provide lifelong care to chimps coming out is research. It's really a great cause. Please support these poor animals this holiday season. http://projectchimps.org/support-us/adopt-a-chimp/
Comedy never rests...with my writers working on new material on Thnksgiving
I'd give a week's pay to hear that sermon!
Makeup for FacebookLive - has it come to this? Oh well, 15 min to showtime! #whinylittlebitch
With Potus at the White House - finally! "Persistence" he said as we sat down. "That's how I got Michelle to marry me"