I voted for the first picture and Michelle voted for the second, which makes me laugh and should tell you everything you need to know about why I love her so. And WHILE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT VOTING: if YOU are voting for the Emmys and you don't vote for Michelle for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or a Movie for her insanely TRANSCENDENT performance as Gwen Verdon in Fosse/Verdon, then you and I can't be friends.❤️GIVE MY BFF THE EMMY SHE DESERVES❤️
Your mom stayed out late. 🖤It was worth it.🖤
Took my new daughter to ice cream today. I pretty much only go for mint chocolate chip in a sugar cone. 🤷♀️I LIKE WHAT I LIKE! 💗🍦💗
This was last night but I wore the same dress today so just pretend this is TONIGHT cause whatever I only wore it for like a minute yesterday and anyway, why can't you just like a dress and wear it for a couple of days and THEN put it in the hamper? I don't know. OK. Enjoy. Live your life. Wear the dress you want to wear. I would never ever judge you. Because I love you. Goodnight. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
#tbt in honor of Birdie turning 11 this week, here we are in 2009. I think she was maybe one and half, maybe not even? I know this was a photoshoot for a parenting magazine and I did it to promote Cougartown but I don't remember anything else. Except clearly my boobs were still huge from breastfeeding, I'm in the middle of growing out my bangs, my arm is double jointed (so are Birdie's!) and that was my original Fisher Price tea set that my mom saved for me. Also. Birdie is the cutest baby ever and I wish I could go back in time right now and do it all again(but as me now)because I would. I really really really would.
Last night I was just a sexy bb slightly confused as to why she's west of the 405.
Sees Oklahoma! once.
My house is Ravenclaw, btw. My ENTIRE FAMILY is Slytherin although I'm convinced Cricket is really Hufflepuff. @unistudios
On August 13, 2008 this person showed up and made me a mom. We hasn't picked her name yet because I needed to look at her before naming her. As soon as I did, I knew she was Birdie. Happy 11th birthday to my little(big) Bird. 💗🎂💗 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. There is no one like you in the world and it is the joy of my life that I get to know and love you. 💗🎂💗
I feel like I did a good job blending in and looking like a REAL NEW YORKER🤣
Time to go home. Thank you New York, it's been real but these girls are sick of walking and public transit cause they're from LA, BB. ⭐️The best was when Cricket saw a rat in the subway last night and she said, "Oh my god! LOOK! There's a weird squirrel running on those tracks!" 😂🐀😬
#fbf 2014 ❤️ Cricket is such a vibe, always has been. This is truly one of my favorite pictures of our family and it makes me laugh every time I see it. We were trying to take a nice family picture for Birdie's kindergarten school applications and I don't remember why Cricket started crying but the expressions on the rest of our faces are just so bemused by her. Oh sweet baby Cricks.❤️😂😭❤️
This is about the moment when it was dawning on me that the car that dropped me off probably had split with my luggage instead of waiting for me. Burger was worth the drama though, tbh. Full story in my fucking stories. ❤️ @auchevaldiner #mercuryretrograde #lostluggage #foundluggage #wtf #drama
Summer 1993. (Shhhh. Just pretend the phone is a walkman😂)
Honestly @clickhole, this was such a gift to me today. THANK YOU. And whatever, Ron Weasley; you're dead to me. ❤️😂👏❤️😂 ******Guys, you know Clickhole is fake, right? Like The Onion only different?? K. Just checking. Cause I think maybe some people think this is real-ITS GENIUS but not real...😂😂😂
Cricket started basketball today. Can't wait to see what this kid does.
The nachos made my knee feel 5 percent better. #math
i really love sunsets. #ijltp
Same fucking knee. New trauma. 🤦♀️😂😭#thiswillonlyhurtalittle
Last night, I caught the vapours before dinner. I recovered after some rosé and oysters @chubbyfishchs though.
Scrunchies are back.
I'll say it once more; SEEKING ASYLUM IS NOT ILLEGAL. I will be calling my reps tomorrow and I hope you join me. Thank you @padmalakshmi 💜. . . #Repost @padmalakshmi While we celebrate the Fourth, there are refugee families who’ve walked thousands of miles to legally seek asylum in this country sleeping on concrete floors with aluminum blankets and no medical care. This is a stain on our nation and we need to do something now. Contact your representatives tomorrow to demand they #CloseTheCamps. (Link in bio) #4thofjuly #AmericanPie #resist
Oh no guys I had a game changer. I mean 2. 😬😬😬
This is 6! 🦄🎉🌸🌈
Sunset's nice, I guess.
Happy birthday Marc!!! You're only 48 years old, even though I keep telling people you're 9 years older than I am.(TBH, I've kindof never gotten your age right) One of the things I love most about you is your unwavering commitment; to me, to our kids, to your work wife of 20 years Abby, to making amazing smash burgers, to being a feminist, to finding the best coffee wherever you go, to being a late in life male model, to your beard that you've had since before beards were cool, to Soul Cycle, to making the bed every morning and even to your dumb Castaway Cay hat. People always say you're the best; "Marc's the best!" And they're right. You are actually the best. Thank you for being the best even when I have been my worst(especially then) and being committed most to our family. We love you so much. We are all lucky you were born on this day in 1971, you know, 9 years before me.❤️❤️❤️❤️
Those hush puppies aren't gonna eat themselves, you know. (Cc: @chrissybchrissy I miss you😭)
Chez who? CHEZ NOUS! 😍😍😍
Walking into Friday like...
If you know me at all, you know I’m terrified of horror movies but I’ve decided I really want to see @midsommarmovie next week when it comes out. It looks insane and terrifying. So ANYWAY. I am attempting to prepare myself by dressing as if I’m in the film. I’ll let you know how it all works out for me. 🌸🌼🌸
She ate a banana in our meeting so I took her out for a happy hour salad and a cocktail. 🍹
As of 8:03 am Central Standard Time, I am officially 40 years old.
Here are some details from my 40th! 🌸 A lot of the design of the party originated from the invitations that @andreaghickey designed for me many months ago. I found Andrea because one of my favorite follows on social meeds @bobbyfinger shouted her out after the Buzzfeed layoffs where she had worked as an illustrator and I thought, “well this is perfect; maybe she would like to illustrate my invites while she finds another big job!” And she did! I had the idea that since it was a wedding to myself, the invites could be wedding like but a little f*cked up, I wanted all my favorite things wrapped up in flowers and vines and Andrea nailed it(scroll to the last pic for the invite)! Then we found @amyabbottevents who is based in Cabo (maybe @itsmeraypadilla found her? Probably he did 💜) and after a five minute call, she totally understood my vibe and made it all happen in the easiest way ever. I basically just wanted it to be an explosion of color, like what I feel like on the inside, I guess? Oh! A huge shout out to DJ Alex from Cabo! He was amazing and even played a Tori Amos remix of Raspberry Swirl for me, (probs against his better judgement😂) No one stopped dancing the whole night.💜 The menu @florafarms put together was incredible (the potatoes❤️😭) and if you haven’t been there I highly recommend it, it’s so insanely magical. And a huge thank you goes to @itsmeraypadilla and Marc, who figured out logistics so I wouldn’t have to. 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
Happy Birthday to Grandpa Mustache!
So I was thinking about turning 40. And it's weird because my perpetual age is 19-sometimes 27 depending but now I'm 40(my birthday is the 25th actually) HOW AM I 40 YEARS OLD? Anyway. I decided I wanted to throw myself a destination wedding(to myself) for my 40th at one of my favorite places in the world @florafarms in Cabo. This was, without question, one of the greatest, most fun, and beautiful nights of my life. Thank you thank you thank you to all of my friends and family who made this weekend the best of all time. 🌸❤️🌸
She's 40, not dead.
Irene is currently trying to figure out how to ship this tie dyed donkey statue back to LA.
Just a couple of coconuts. 🥥🥥
Despite my face; I'm not mad at it.
This. Is. Who. I. Am. Now. .🌸 #2Busy2B40
#tbt 1996 🌸 If you've read my book THIS WILL ONLY HURT A LITTLE, then you know my first paid "acting" job was for @mattel at their annual Toy Fair and Pre-Toy Fair(which was held in my hometown Scottsdale AZ) I was cast as a life size version of the CLUELESS doll and my job was to give sales projections to the toy buyers but in character as Cher Horowitz. The job was two weeks and paid WAY more than my other job, which was as a hostess at California Pizza Kitchen. Even though it was just an industrial trade show, it made me feel like I was really gonna make it as an actress after high school. Especially after @sharonstone came through the Toy Fair one day and told me she thought I was very talented. 😍 Oh! Also! A tiny @rumerwillis came to the Toy Fair with her mom that year and she and I just realized it like two years ago.😂❤️ We weren’t allowed to take pictures inside the Fair but one of the other Barbie Girls(what we were called) snuck in a disposable camera one day and she and I took pictures when no one was looking- I can’t remember her name but she was rad(she was some kind of a rock and roll Barbie) She lived in LA and before the Toy Fair was over she gave me a crystal she had with her that she said I should bring with me when I moved to LA to bring me good luck. Which I did. I mean. Feels like it worked. ✨✨✨
"Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood! Land of dreams! Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin' - this is Hollywood!"
You can't be back on your bullshit if you've never left it. #margaritamonday
Thank you @vulture for including BUSY TONIGHT in your Emmy Hopefuls 2019 and for this portrait of my face. If you are an Emmy voter, I would really appreciate it if you would vote for Busy Tonight to be nominated. Because why the f not? 🌸THANK YOU IN ADVANCE I LOVE YOU.❤️