This is Bert’s reaction when I say the word, “journey.” #momlife
After I take an edible and decide to go swimming.
I’m very excited to be adding new dates for my 'Life Will Be the Death of Me' Stand-Up Tour in the US and CANADA 🍊PRESALE Tickets available using code STANDUP Thursday, August 15th @ 10am #lifewillbethedeathofme sorry- there was a mistake in earlier post so Kansas City is in MISSOURI. Bam!
“Don’t you have anything better to do?”—Bert Handler #dphuehouse
This week I sit down with Writer, Editor, and Imposter Syndrome Survivor, Courtenay Hameister (@wisenheimer_pdx) for a conversation on family, sex and my babysitting career.
#Repost @kenziebrookshire ・・・ This is the last paragraph of the last chapter and it really got me. This book is magic. 🖤 #lifewillbethedeathofme🍊
This is the look of someone who accidentally dropped her edibles in the sea, and has 3 hours left on a boat with 7 children.
My sisters had babies so that I never had to. #thevineyard
Thank you to New Orleans for a great night in your beautiful city. I ate like a queen. Adding more stand up dates soon! #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊
Thank you, Nashville! I ducking love your city and I Love the Ryman. See you tonight, NEW ORLEANS! - On stage photograph by 📸 Steve Lowry/Ryman Archives
Brandon and i have arrived on Nashville. #nashville. See everyone tonight at the #rymanauditorium #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊
This week's episode is a special on the U.S. Border and how each of us can help. I sat down to record this episode this week with advocates Shannon Camacho, and Archana Sahgal, to discuss what is actually happening at the U.S. Border and how to help. Episode 10 of #lifewillbethedeathofme🍊 Link to listen and subscribe in bio.
Happy birthday to my favorite road companion. Today is your 36th bday and we have been together for many years and have traveled from Indianapolis, Cleveland, Clearwater, Hawaii, to New Zealand, New Delhi, and Moscow. I left the pictures off from Moscow, because you almost passed away there. You have been by my side unflinchingly since you started interning on chelsea lately, and even though most of the things we do are related to me, it is me who is now walking by your side, because you have lead the way for me for so many years. You are a golden girl. True to her word. The world is lucky to have you, and everyone you choose to have in your life (short list) is lucky to have been chosen by you. Happy birthday, bitch.
I've started a new group on Facebook stemming from my book "Life Will Be the Death of Me". Sisters supporting sisters, bro’s welcome too. My own therapy and your messages taught me I am not alone in this and neither are you. I encourage anyone seeking support from others to join. I also hope each person that joins works to put out their hand for someone else. Let's do this together. 🍊#THEORANGEROOM #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME Request to join 👇(Link in Bio) http://bit.ly/THEORANGEROOM
This is what my dating game looks like. It’s the same as it’s been since the 2nd grade. #lifewillbethedeathofme
Rides up the coast with #bert.
Episode 9 of my podcast is with Natasha Lyonne. We talk all about children and not wanting them, white privilege, and Cannabis. Link in Bio to listen. 🍊#lifewillbethedeathofme @nlyonne
When mama kidnaps my dogs and they prefer it. #bertandbernice
This is what I will be doing this Fall – I’m coming back to AUSTRALIA and NEW ZEALAND for Life Will be the Death of Me. Swipe right for all international shows this Fall. Adding new markets and dates soon. Link in bio for tickets. #brisbane #sydney #melbourne #auckland
About to start my period.
MINNEAPOLIS, thank you for last night! Such a fun show with great people in an awesome city. I love you guys. And you too, St. Louis 🍊 #lifewillbethedeathofme
Thank you, St. Louis. I love you. See you tonight, Minneapolis. Also, this last photo is my driver and I in St. Louis, best driver here, ask for Al! @jed_limousine #lifewillbethedeathofme 🍊 📸 @jasongonulsen
#repost @motherjonesmag ・・・ Drawing on their experiences visiting a border facility in Clint, Texas last week, four Democratic congresswomen delivered powerful testimony at a hearing about the mistreatment of migrants at the United States’ southern border.⠀ ⠀ The four women—Reps. @ocasio2018 (D-N.Y.), @repayannapressley (D-Mass.), Veronica Escobar (D-Texas), and @rashidatlaib (D-Mich.)—argued for an end to the detainment of migrants at Friday’s House Oversight and Reform Committee hearing.⠀ ⠀ “This is a manufactured crisis because there is no need for us to do this,” Ocasio-Cortez said during her testimony. “There’s no need for us to overcrowd and to detain and to under-resource. There is no need for us to arrest innocent people and treat them no differently than criminals when they are pursuing their basic human rights.”⠀ ⠀ Pressley spoke passionately about the women she saw sitting on the concrete floor at the Clint border facility.⠀ ⠀ “After everything these women have endured—fleeing violence, deep poverty, sexual violence, domestic abuse—they arrive at the crest of this nation only to be torn apart from their babies and thrown in cages for seeking asylum, a legal right, a human right,” she said. “And in spite of all of that, they believe so fiercely in the promise of this nation.”
Episode 8 of my podcast is out. Discussing fitness with the three who think they know the most in the game, @benbrunotraining, Bernice, and Brandon. Listen and Subscribe, Link in bio. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME
New International market added, I’m bringing my stand-up tour to AUCKLAND on 9 October 🍊 Presale Tickets available 11 July at 12pm NZST / 10 July, 5pm PDT. Link in bio for tickets. #lifewillbethedeathofme
I told Bert and Bernice to get the decks resanded before I came home. #bertandbernice
What Jersey girls wear for hangovers after the 4th of July. #childhoodmemories
Because I happen to believe Bert is from Spain and Bernice is from Romania, I've decided to celebrate this day from my favorite city, London. Happy 4th of July Everyone. #fourthofjuly
#Repost @ittybittyshorts ・・・ 🇺🇸 Declaration of Independence 🇺🇸 “all are created equal, that they are endowed with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness ... But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”
Before I left for vacation, I told Bert he needed to get a job. 👔 #bert
The people standing in front of this house had been looking for any sign from two loved ones they have recently lost, and then went to clean out their dad’s things, and looked up and saw a double rainbow. Rainbows are everywhere when you heart is broken, and even more places when your heart is open. The rainbow is a perfect symbol for PRIDE.Rainbows aren’t unicorns. They’re real and they’re for all of us. HAPPY PRIDE!!🌈🌈 #doublerainbow
Thank you WESTBURY for a great night and wrap to the first weekend of stand-up on my tour. And thank you to everyone who has continued to support @truecolorsunited on this tour by purchasing my “I Decide” T-shirts and bracelets. I’m not stopping at $52,000, lets get to $100,000! HAPPY Pride Everyone! #loveislove #pride - #lifewillbethedeathofme
I want to thank everyone not only for joining me on this incredible tour but supporting all of the great "I Decide" Merchandise along the way. Thanks to YOU, I was able to donate $51,000 to the organization True Colors United @truecolorsunited. Continue buying t-shirts and #idecide bracelets for the remainder of my stand-up tour to help continue to support this organization that helps youth homelessness in the LGBTQIA community. #LIFEWILLBETHEDEATHOFME 📸 @linaresphotography @thewellmonttheater #newjerseypride I DECIDE t-shirts and bracelets are available at every show and on my website. Chelseahandler.com Let’s get to 100k! HAPPY PRIDE EVERYONE!🌈
Thank you, Atlanta for a great night kicking off my stand-up comedy tour. Proceeds from last nights show will be going to Feminist Women’s Health Center @feministcenter. These are two of my favorite fans that keep showing up wherever I perform! @shells2711 @west.sean.michael #lifewillbethedeathofme
Since I’m heading back to Jersey for my stand-up show this weekend, Brandon decided to get me a crimper to get back to my roots.
This is not an endorsement. I drink cannabis. #bert
Me coming out of my room this am to find these two fuckers waiting for me!!! Yes! It has happened! They understand that I live in my house, too! #bertandbernice
Big Daddy waiting for Mabel to bring him snacks in bed.