I’m just not someone who likes drama.
Sara rides my coat tails into another deal.
I was excited about motherhood until I found out today you get stitches in your vagina, have to wear an ice packed diaper for weeks, your nipples bleed, and you crap on the table 👍🏻 I’ll prob still do it though. #FridaMom
Feels like something we’ll be really proud of in the future.
Still waiting for someone to ask me to be the Bachelor..
I tried to influence while I was in Mexico, but it turns out I was facing the wrong direction 🌤
Big Little Tie Dyes.
I’m the guy on the bottom.
People throwing so much shade, we had to get hats.(No, but seriously no one throws shade at me, I need to be more controversial)
Today is a good day. @getthemirror now offers 3 year financing, which means you can get the mirror for as low as $42 a month (*if you have good credit. If you ever stole your mom’s credit card and then filed bankruptcy your price might be higher). Go get your mirror, honey!
This girl deserves a go fund me more than a lot of people I’ve seen on there.
This man took me to Italy for two weeks and didn’t propose.
Everyone says there’s such a big age difference, but I don’t see it... She’s only two years younger than me.
Yesterday after a lot of training, we were sworn in by a judge to officially be appointed CASA’s. Court Appointed Special Advocates for a child in the foster care system due to neglect or abuse. We were matched as a couple, with a group of siblings who need someone to look out for them. You can do this with a full time job, or if you travel. Your Casa child doesn’t live with you. You visit them monthly, attend their court hearings, study their files, and make recommendations to the judge on their behalf. I recommend you look into this program in your city. And please get a guy in your life to sign up. So many boys in the system are desperate for a positive male figure in their life. ✨CasaForChildren.org✨
When I said I wanted someone to ask me to marry them, I should have been more specific. #knotarealwedding #TheKnotDrForConair #ad
Sometimes Sara and I look similar. The way you can tell us apart is that I’m a good person, and she sends our mom’s calls to voicemail. 🌟 Both of our sweatpants look brand new, but they aren’t. Sara’s are a month old and mine are brand new. They look the same because Sara’s been washing her clothes with @studiobytide , which is designed to keep your favorite items from fading. #StudioByTide #ad
Sisters. The friends you didn’t choose.
Living with Simon is going well so far. He just named our WiFi after us ❤️
The P.I. I have following Simon around just sent me these suspicious photos...
Not sure what they wanted my mom to call the office about...
Weren’t invited to any bbq’s so we hit up the grassy area at the mall ✌🏻
The only dating advice anyone needs.
Occasionally close your mouth, Sara.
Find your light. It might be red and anti inflammatory.
You don’t look fat, but your new face is gonna take a min to get used to. • Finally art I can connect with 🙏🏻
I looked good here, but Sara didn’t.
My vibe at this Bat Mitzvah was desperate single mom clinging to her youth, fresh off a nasty divorce and looking for some 15 year old boys to give her attention. Mazel!
Sara and I would never be friends if we hadn’t been forced to grow up together.
They kept us outside with the trash, but the joke was on them cause the lighting was great in that alley.
I’ve been known to wear the same sweater for ten years. It hasn’t made me very popular, but when I find something I like I stick with it (you’re in luck Simon). Unfortunately, when you wash your favorite thing enough times it looks like it. I discovered the most amazing product @studiobytide and no longer live in fear of washing things I’m scared of ruining. Studio by Tide is specially designed to gently clean delicate items including silk, wool and lace without the fear of pilling. Watch my IG story to learn more about my cute top! #StudioByTide #ad
Here TODAY, irrelevant tomorrow ✌🏻
There’s only one real universal truth; You should see your grandma more often.
What’s the point in a relationship where I can stop pretending to like things?
Sometimes it seems like you have it all, until you realize you’re dating someone who throws up the Shaka 🤙🏻
Accidentally put a cute outfit together all by myself.
Not everyone is happy for you when you find a man.
I feel like I should have become a morning person at some point.
I told Simon this is the last time I’m going to a wedding as a guest.
I don’t really thrive in environments where I’m not the center of attention.
We’re like an ad for antidepressants after the medication has kicked in. #RaniFujikawa
I’m annoyed to say this because technically it was Sara’s idea, but our FAVORITE DAUGHTER shirts sell out so fast we made sweatshirts now too. Link in bio to buy one ✌🏻
Thanks for the confidence, Dad.
We don’t have to be in Paris to embody fashion week. You simply have it or you don’t.