Overheard Bumble - instagram lists #feedolist

overheardbumble

to be fair, finally being able to print out a return shipping label changed our lives. raise your hand if you or someone you know have been personally redeemed by the acquisition of a printer!! 📠👩‍🎓#ItsAllRelative #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

diversify your portfolio. 👩‍🍳👨‍🏫👩‍⚖️👨‍🚀 #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

the purge, but for hour sh*tty boyfriend. 😈👋 #WorstIntentions #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

*you can now video chat within the bumble app!* introduce your dog to his future stepmom / the man you’ll later engage in a custody battle over him with / your future husband / wife / a stranger you’ll never actually meet / your match’s doorman... it could be anyone (with whom you’ve matched 😈) 🎥🤳 #NewThing #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

*trouble by coldplay plays at a reasonable volume at a nearby library you’re on your way to.* 📠: @kellydavida, a measured woman. #ThisIs30 #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

bad guys are the ones your parents warned you about. bad boys are the ones your parents warned you about but now they have instagram and “it’s a vibe”... 🤦‍♂️😏 #BadBoysOfInstagram #tbt #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

download and redownload all you want, you’ll never escape the one you’re meant to match with. 👀😍 📠: @jisookang_, who is nothing if not consistent... and outspoken about photos that look like mugshots! #DejaVu #BackAgain #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

as someone who has caught the bouquet at 95% of the weddings we’ve been to - and is still single - we don’t need this kind of stress in our lives. the fewer guests, the closer we are to our nuptials!! (also, this is why no one’s getting a +1 to our wedding.) 💐👰 #TickTock #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

ladies and gentlemen, your lawyer pulls up to the group chat spelling “bald” “bold”, what you doing? 🧐🎩 📠: a man who’s only been photographed in hats; someone who just learned how to spell “bald”!! #BumbleSpellingBee #overheardbumble #hatfished (thanks @rmgoldma)

overheardbumble

it’s the thought that counts. 😕🥳🎉 *tag a kween or a karen!!* #HappyBirthdayKaren #autocorrect #BumbleBFF #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

when you’re here for a good time not a long time... and also maybe think “hi” stands for “high intensity”?? ⏳👋⌛️ #HiBye #overheardbumble #tbt

overheardbumble

raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by a match who had a profile containing a misleading dog placement. 🐶😒 📠 by: @h_watkinson, who is unwavering in her love of dogs. #DoggieDogWorld #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

we’re a *whatever this person is* person. 🌝🌚 #MOOD #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

we can only hope one day to be on the receiving end of a friendship cultivated solely for a wedding invite! 👰🤵 #HopeTheWeddingHasACashBar #NoNewFriendsUnlessTheyreEngaged #overheardbumble #tbt

overheardbumble

welcome to dating sometimes opposites attract and sometimes unmatch 😝🤷‍♀️ 📠 by: someone with a two syllable name. #HaikuHijinks #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

same! and definitely one of our favorite birthdays, tbh. 🎉🏂 #WombPartyOfOne #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

our timing with love is much like an avocado’s window of opportunity: largely random and inconvenient. 🥑⏳ #LoveAndOtherDrugs #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

yep. that’s exactly what we mean. *who will headline your funeral?! drop their @ in the comments!* 🎧 💿 #Dip(It)lo(w) #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

if you can’t love us when we’re stuck in symbol set, you don’t deserve us when we’ve somehow managed to operate at times new roman. 📝🤯 #FontTalk #LoveInTheTimeOfComicSans #overheardbumble #tbt

overheardbumble

imagine what she doesn’t remember kissing! 😘😛 #RuleOfThree #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

raise your hand 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️if your love life is like two ships passing in the night. put a 🛶 if your love life is like dozens of tug boats drifting aimlessly in a large, unpredictable body of water (we understand 🛶 is not a tug boat, but roll with us). 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️ if you fell out of the boat and are just trying to stay afloat. 🛥🚤 #CheckYourselfBeforeYouShipwreckYourself #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

Now That’s What We Call Getting Your Shit Together: Vol 1!!! 📠: @ashmariesch, who never added him to her to do list. 🤨📝😒 #KnowThyself #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

there are two types of people in the world: those who will drop spoilers in the comments and those who will drop their HBO logins in the comments!! 😈🧝‍♀️🧝‍♂️ #NotFamiliarEnoughWithTheShowForAWittyHashtag #GameOfUnknowns #bumbleBFF #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

tfw you’re both excited to meet up, eat food, and talk about yourself through the sheen of an instagram filter. 🤗😍#tbt #firstdates #noreservations #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

sounds like someone matched with mr. worldwide... 😏🌎 📠: @jessicakleinschmidt, a visitor to earth. (she’s not talking to pitbull). #9021Okay... #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

you can block us on text, instagram, fb, twitter, venmo... but you can't block us from your highschool girlfriend's etsy shop... and we *will* buy a choker from her, wait for it to ship and then leave a review there asking her to have you to call us, so...🕵️‍♀️ #cockblock #dating #tbt #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

oh yes, we understand, and we wish them luck. the bond between a dog and its father is truly unbreakable. 🐶👱‍♂️ #DogParents #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

bad guys are the ones your parents warned you about. bad boys are the ones your parents warned you about but now they have instagram and it’s a vibe... 🤦‍♂️😏 #BadBoysOfInstagram #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

when harry met sally 2: when remy from ratatouille met tom from tom and jerry. 🇫🇷🐱 📠 by @rufiav, an ad hoc etymologist of sorts #CatAndMouse #meaux #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

never settle... even if that means swiping right for someone so you can hit up their friend, tom... 📠 by @carolinefaraone, an inspiration to all of us and the bearer of an invaluable lesson: blur out your friends’ faces when posting group photos... or be prepared to be their personal dating attaché. 👯‍♂️📞#IYDKNYK #ItsAboutTom #overheardbumble #tbt

overheardbumble

we always show up to first dates wearing bunny ears, holding a glass of rosé, so our date recognizes us from our bumble profile. 🥂🐶 #synchronicity #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

ask not what this person can do for you; ask what you can do to make this person answer a simple question. 🧐👿 #ConversationsWithUncleSam #overheardbumble 📠: @marisabraham, who is still seeking answers, and/or is potentially being recruited for the army.

overheardbumble

please meet all of our exes: “jerkoff henry”, “fuckhead vijay”, “worst guy ever brendan“... and our fiancé, “asshole tim”! tag a tim who is recently engaged as a microaggression!!! 🤔💍 #AnIndecentProposal #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

cool. great. we can work with this. we don’t eat play doh, any food that begins with the letter “r”, any dish whose preparation is described as “slathered in”, anything containing more than 3,000 calories, or a hot dog if someone has called the specific hot dog we’re being served a “frankfurter”. #WeEatAnything #overheardbumble

overheardbumble

we always feel the nail lady is mad at us because bc we live in a constant state of anxiety, but other indicators we’re feeling “a little off” include: crying when #seamless arrives perfectly on time with the intro to “this is us”, walking into a doorman building merely to experience the validation that comes from a stranger greeting you with a smile, or snapping at your best friend because she liked - but didn’t tag you in - an inspirational meme that really resonated with you... anyway!! let’s reschedule!😩🛑☹️ #periodpeace #spincycle #menstruationfrustration #overheardbumble #tbt

overheardbumble

trying to explain this concept was only 10% as difficult as trying to assemble one item from the display... and 5% as upsetting as falling out of love with our boyfriend while sitting on a #poäng chair. 🛋💔 #DesignCatfish #NotAnAd #overheardbumble 📠: @amandaassi, who has a photo of herself inside an IKEA as one of her bumble pics...

overheardbumble

if you love someone, facetime them. if they look back at you, it’s real. 👀🧐 #TrueLove #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

instead of bringing a plus one, why not bring a bunch of different personalities and then stage a flash mob with them at a time that is convenient for you to leave without having to say goodbye to anyone!!👰👨‍⚖️ #AlwaysBeClosing #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

ah, the iphone 6 era. a simpler time defined by the inception of “netflix and chill”, adele’s “hello”, the rise of dad bod, and man buns... and this girl having a boyfriend. what a time!! 📱😥 #iPhoneD8 #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

hmm... tell us more. what’s the buy in for this decades long circle game tournament? 👌😏 #WeirdFlexButOk #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

*shyly raises hand from back of room* *whispers* “that’s not necessarily true.” 🤔🥦 #VeganPropaganda #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

we’re sure your bad experience at a local barber shop was valid... we’d just rather you not shout about it on the internet when the alternative (moving on with your life) is far more pleasant. 💭 💻 🤫🤔🤭 #ClearlyNotAnAd #overheardbumble . . (please don’t shout in the comments about #yelp!!! 😂 we get it; it’s useful!! 🙃)

OverheardBumble

it is merely a longstanding common misconception that you cannot break up with someone you’re not dating. you are actually able to break up with anyone at any point. try it tonight. break up with your tailor, your neighbor’s roomba, your ghost... if they can hear you, you can uncouple. (maybe @ someone in the comments you want to break up with...)?👋😘 #IfYoureReadingThisItsOver #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

hmmm... our best relationship advice is maybe: marry someone who isn’t your best friend bc a lot of people who “married [their] best friend” seem to be divorced now. [please do not yell in the comments about the immature advice!!! it’s a joke. marry a turtle! thank you - MGMT] 😩😍 #RelationshipAdvice #marryaturtle #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

may all your new years be free of the ghosts of 2018’s bad dates, and graveyard of unanswered texts. 👻💭 #NewYearWhoDis #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

memes? try bitcoin in 2014... or tivo in 2000 😩🤯 #DazedAndConfused #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

happy boxing day to everyone except gregg and his parents, who are probably adding more ‘G’s to his name as we speak. (just kidding. happy #boxingday to everyone, even if your name is spelled like you fell asleep at the keyboard while you were typing it 🤭) 🤔🤭 #gregg #SNOOPItsANoFromMeDOGG #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

overheard our mom talking about us at christmas... guess she doesn’t know the internet is our boyfriend!! 😩😒 #BodyCount #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

wish we could connect with this guy because we’ve been swiping for *weeks* trying to find the same thing. 🎄🥂 #HoHoHowAreWeStillSingle #overheardbumble

OverheardBumble

life is a constant battle between your dazzling personality and smoking hot body; luckily you can detract from both by leading with hubris on the internet!! 🤗🤨 #ItBeLikeThatSometimes #OnlyInLA #overheardbumble