This has been a time of breathing in as much of this life as I can. A friend is right here , her children playing with my son, my dog happy in the dapples of sun. We love this place. #pippa ( back by popular demand) 🐶 #calamigosranch #calamigosguestranch 🌿🍃🌿
Sour grapes. Happy kid . #saturdaystroll. We are at one of our happy places. Doing my best to keep up. It’s a pleasure.
🖤How much do I love this coat? @therow always remains elegant.Walking through their shop on Melrose Place is bliss. #dreamy 🖤
Breathtaking. Truly. And this gardenia. Never been touched... the scent fills my house. I am very lucky. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you @jeffleatham 💋. #beyond. #gentleman #jeffleatham #luxury. #heaven
Monday evening mood. #summer 🦋
Monday mood. I know 😬. ( not even three and he knows)
Sunday. Rest. Gratitude. I write this with helping someone else in mind... Since chemotherapy and high doses of prednisone I have lost any ability to focus with my eyes.(I find it difficult to be on phone so I am not on social media or communicating w friends through writing very much). Panic sets in. Will this be permanent? How do I get to one more doctor appointment? How will I work and write when I can’t see and it’s so painful? And then a simmering of knowing. Underneath all the doubt. It will be ok. Take it smaller to each moment. Let the body heal. Nourish. Walk slowly. Burst into laughter. Give my nervous system a chance. I see how wonderful and kind people can be. I see how frightening it can be. Uncertainty. I am choosing to say this too shall pass. And my word... it’s so beautiful today. Still cool in the shade and the whole day before us... we can do it. Breathe . 💛 ps. My left leg is feeling the ground!!! #hsct Also... I have found much relief in settling my system with @montelbyselect #relax #hempextractcapsules . Thank you @montel_williams 🧡
A woman with three glasses. 👓🕶🥛. Got out, in one of my favorite @thombrowneny ⚓️⚓️ get ups. And enjoying a bowl of fresh fruit in the shade. Do something that feels good. #thombrowne always makes me readjust my thinking. And smile. Cheers ! 💋 #thombrowneny
Flashback to a year and a half ago? This recovery is not linear. This may be the hardest part. Because I have expectations. I get impatient. I doubt. But, our thoughts are powerful. I promised myself I wouldn’t judge this process. And to just take a couple months to rest and find the way. Slowly. I want to rush. I want to run and talk quickly and burst into laughter without my irritated skin cracking. I will get there. I will find my way to here. And I send strength and patience to all of us ailing and recovering and doing our best. We can. #fbf #mom
I am so lucky. I was able to get to my favorite in town getaway for some @madera_bc body contouring. There are so many toxins in my body from chemotherapy etc and I need an extra boost to start working them out. This helped so much today to help get my head back in the game . Always does. A safe and supportive spa retreat right in studio city and I feel recharged and ready for sleep! 😂. And Arthur even waited patiently, sipping on iced water. Thank you @bungalow_3 for being here. #bungalow3 #maderabodycontour #healing
Toni Morrison. This writer, this woman, changed my young life so many years ago. The bluest eye. Dr Roth’s class senior year of high school. Beloved. I couldn’t see the world the same. Or the heart. For the better. Thank you. 🖤 feb 18 1931- August 5 2019
Sleep like a dog tonight. #pippa
Gently catches and holds a grasshopper one minute and blasting @eminem the next. That next is right now. It is 6 :40 am. I fell asleep at 4 am. Ah. Motherhood. I love every blasted minute. And #bigweenie is one of my favorites so I am gonna go in, scare him and cop a few hugs. This is a perfect Sunday morning. Right. 🌝💛
Summer owl for a morning swim. 7 am. 🦉🌝
When life gives you kumquats, you make kumquataid 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡 #arthursaintbleick #summer2019
It is darkest before the dawn, I have always heard. And I keep it in mind. And I still get overwhelmed in the chaos of the dark. And I am so deeply moved at how many people called or wrote or left comments after my last post. The old me was ashamed. Ashamed to be so transparent with vulnerability or fear. And I wanted to delete the image. The heart bruised words. But you all changed that with your words of support. I was humbled. I couldn’t even read til now. Thank you. Thank you.maybe I will print and put in a book for when I need it again. We should all do that sometimes. When I came home , I sobbed so loud in Arthur’s dads arms. Only he could know what I am fighting for. Our son. And he gave Arthur a carefree, fishing filled boyish summer and my gratitude shook me. I failed as a mom a million times yesterday. And Arthur was fine. The world didn’t stop. I was exhausted and just wanted to let us transition into each other’s space and there was an empty fridge and a lagging AC and I don’t know where anything is and it smells weird and he noticed my big belly but likes my bald head and I smell dog pee with my chemo senses and and and. Breathe. I cried. He laughed. He played a fishing video for me. We slept and woke and he took this. He is golden. Alive. Happy. Thank you universe. I will get there. Have patience. Thank you. All of us. Be gentle. With ourselves and others. It is a wonderful feeling. Thank you to everyone here and in my life who did that for me the last few days. I can do this now. 🖤 #walkingeachotherhome
Insomnia. I am like a waking baby. Afraid and want to cry. I want my mom. I do. I will take a bath. And cry. The beginning is hard. I have to Remember. #hsct #baby
I have had this scab on my head for two months. It stands out to me as much as my newly bald head. I don’t mind it. I don’t mind the hair loss either. But if my eyebrows totally fall out, I am gonna be singing a different tune. Well, this is me. Right now. So you know I just don’t post old photos , buildings,legs and fireworks. 👓
I have been away from California for two months. I will go home soon. I will sleep near my son that first night and thank the stars every waking minute that he IS. I am. You are. This is what we have. I am bowing down to all that have shown up for me. For my son. For my eventual recovery. For the curiosity to learn more on behalf of other people. The women that have stopped me saying sharing has meant something. Thank you. I carry your faces in my pocket to fumble for and look at when I feel down. I root for the people willing to change their lives for the better every day. It’s brave. It’s worth it. Trying. Doing. Energy breeds energy. And I have been given so much and I send as much as I can back to all of you in your bed or crying in your car or numb or angry as you might even read this. May the force be with you. Love. #newlife
Finding my land legs now.
🌟🌟 @dillard5302🌟🌟 we are so happy for you. @the_alinker_world is so happy to provide you with this invention of love and support from us. This is a community that deeply cares and my biggest hope is that more people will offer encouragement and support to people who so need and want it. Congratulations Shannon! Welcome to @the_alinker_world community. #radicalgenerosity #reactivateyourbrain #together #changinglives
🌟🌟 special news🌟🌟. This post gives me so much joy. As you may know, I wouldn’t be able to get around and enjoy time with my son and family if I didn’t have this lifechanging, and amazing #mobilityaid. Raising awareness for @the_alinker_world and what is happening with crowdfunding in this community brings me so much life. I am asked every day I go out about this invention from #bealink ( #barbaraalink ) and people are amazed. We know it is a hefty but well worth price tag and are aware it takes a village of support for many to have access to this game changing way of healing and moving forward. So we are giving one away to someone who so deserves who has yet to reach their goal. I ask anyone that is able and willing... to go to @the_alinker_world and see ongoing campaigns and help someone the way this has helped me and @stringfellow_deeds and so many. I see the importance of raising strangers who want to do more. Who can, if given support. Thank you for reading. I will announce the next lucky recipient in my next post. I am so excited. Standby! 💛💛💛💛💛💛 love. #activateyourbrain #together #reactivateyourbrain
Goodnight. Good old Fourth of July for this one. With friends on a beautiful warm night. Kids running around playing wiffleball and fireworks overhead. Thank you. @chitownkeogh friends forever.
Happy Fourth of July 🌭 here is a #hotdog. Be safe. Drink water. #pippa
I couldn’t love and appreciate this family more. @ravinaw22 and Co. This was Arthur’s room mom in kindergarten and Cade his best school mate. And Carys, his fave girl. Jimmy, the best dad besides his own. I needed a rest and this whole family took my angel under their angel wings and showed him an amazing day and night out to see #Hamilton again. #summer2019 #arthursaintbleick 🙌🌟🙌 we know how blessed we are. #friends 💘
Rainy day swim. I love him. #arthursaintbleick 🐬 #waterlove
One year ago today. Sigh. Eyelashes. 🌟 #real
I am here. I am here. I am here. With my son. I will never stop counting that blessing.🖤 have a beautiful week. #cassbird 📸
I spy... 💘
I am awake. I have a headache. I am thinking about the children lost in the crossing. The baby found in a bag. The first man to show her love. I hear the thunder crack. I am back in the Midwest. Where I was born. I wonder what happens when we die. I shut my eyes against it. I open them wide again. I don’t ever want to leave my son. What if he needs me. One day. More than he seems to now. I rode around the city yesterday. Chatting with people about the walking bike I use. Meeting children and parents. Happy to let them know there are fun ways to get around if you need help. Then my mind wanders to Chernobyl and my mother . They are in no way connected in a literal way. I asked my beau if he thought the bathroom was inside the restaurant yesterday. As opposed to outside. And my glitchy brain was sincere. We roared with laughter. Things are so strange. I am doing my best to take care of health. I don’t want to post pictures of myself. I feel in transition. Vulnerable. But I am here. Thinking. Thinking. Of all of us. #fbf and yes , I fell out of this #hammock right after this posed shot. I still have a headache. Going to finish a jigsaw puzzle. Good morning. 🐣
Mischief made. 🦄💩✨✨✨✨✨✨🌈. #lolaandtheboys thank you for letting me play in your glitter unicorn world. ⭐️ #oursecret #chocolatesparklepoo
I can’t smile without you. But when I am with you , I could eat your whole face apparently. #tbt. Baby #arthursaintbleick . Visiting aunties over at @thealist.us His smile. It gets me deep.
🌟Always love her. Kindness, generosity, style. Just the best. I wish I saw you more #stellamccartney because you have a life force that is sublime. Throwing it back to an old weekend trip to London. while shooting Hellboy in Prague. Old school camera. Late night . Always a crush. Not just #wcw . @stellamccartney 🌟🌟💘🌟🌟 #ducklips pioneer 🤷♀️😂🦆 #ramimalik twin
Mischief maker. 🦄 shhhh!
Clever me!!!!!!! 💩 I couldn’t resist a bit of a coffee dribble under her pose of bathroom exertion simulation. But I cleaned it all up. #cramping #diarrhea #stupidmomjokes #theirritablebowel
I wish. I wish. I wish.
#tbt to just a short time ago. Smiling so big with the best smile in town, the gorgeous ... #amysmart 💛 @smarthouse26 always holding you dear. 🙌 this summer is dedicated to loving all who have given me love over the years. #friends
Summer break. Torn between watching gossip girl for the first time or #killingeve I think the pretty east side richies will have to wait. Update. #killingeve kind of day ❤️💉
He gets such joy from doing this ridiculous dance (jig) that I can hardly get upset he is implying I am a #loser. #arthursaintbleick #fortnite . @thetexastroya but since you took it , maybe he means you. Ok. Good. I feel better. Sleep tight. 🧐🌙 oh and I will go straighten that picture. Whoah. Annoying.
#gloriavanderbilt 🖤 the essence of so much I have admired through the years. What a mark she has left. A legacy. Poise. The angels got a good one today.
Sometimes , when I can’t sleep, I already look forward to a warm beverage in the morning with the boy I love. Is it Monday yet? #latte love for life ❤️
So that’s where he gets his eyes, folks. #dad. @jasonbleick #intense much ? #arthursaintbleick ⭐️⭐️
I am awake. Thinking. Feeling. A mind like cotton plants. Blooming too large. My son is asleep. Right here. All I ever really want in this moment. I don’t have to be anywhere but right here. And later today, Jason will be here. Father’s Day. Arthur’s dad. He will always know the love of his dad. And his mom. My dad loved me too. But I never really felt the closeness. Circumstance. Or the people we were. He died without meeting my son. But we had a plan for it. But ...My son met him in his casket. A stranger. His grandfather . I still feel unresolved miscommunication. Impossible moments. But this man next to me. Arthur’s father... we love our son so big and our son knows. Truth. So we are doing just fine. This odd family. Thank you @jasonbleick Happy Father’s Day. See you soon. With love. Your cotton cloudy partner in magic
“ I don’t think of the misery but of all the beauty that still remains “ Anne Frank. 🖤. It took me 44 years to get that thought to grow. And Anne just knew. We are all so different. But how we change. #Grow. Love. It is my hope.
People. #selmablair #arthursaintbleick . Back to my roots. 🐣 #zen barber who still says butthole whenever given an opportunity. I love him. ❤️