TIP thefatjewish Anastasia Beverly Hills - instagram lists #feedolist

Anastasiabeverlyhills

Birthday glam @donidarkowitz * ABH Eye Primer * #ABHxJackieAina Palette shades in Zamn, Big Wig, Supreme * Brow Wiz in Granite & Brow Definer in Granite and Ebony * Hydrating Oil * NEW Luminous Foundation “490W” * New Loose Setting Powder “Banana” * NEW Loose Highlighter “Vegas” & “Sunset Aura” * Berry Adore Blush

troubleman31

Picture me Rollin’👑

troubleman31

I swear I can’t make this shit up...😂 #BIG3👑👑👑 @icecube @llcoolj

troubleman31

Trap Muzik Representatives Then & Now. @yellabeezy214

Anastasiabeverlyhills

That eyeliner and brows it’s all you need @emmacervin ❤️❤️❤️love this look. #abhliquidliner and eyebrow/ using #dipbrowpomade - chocolate and #abhduopowder -dark brown 💫#anastasiasoare #anastasiabrows #anastasiabeverlyhills

troubleman31

They paved the way ..... @icecube @llcoolj #Legends👑👑👑

anastasiabeverlyhills

Luminous Foundation & Loose Powder @beautyandboujee

troubleman31

Maaaaan Now Here she go wit HER shit🤦🏽‍♂️

troubleman31

😄

troubleman31

😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳Damn... MUST BE 2 SIIIIIIDES -Lo voice 🚨MESSAGE 🚨Now I’m all for inclusion... but not invasion?!?!?! Listen closely “gentrifiers” We WILL SHARE our community with you...We are happy to have you here to live,witness & enjoy the greatness of this culture of ours BUT YOU CANNOT , WILL NOT TAKE OUR SHIT FROM US NOW‼️Nah not on my watch. So... If u follow this guide You deserve whatever you get‼️ And trust.... you gon get something‼️ #TrueWestsideAtlantaNative

anastasiabeverlyhills

Love the look you created @beautyception 💫using #abhxjackieainapallete ,#abheyeprimer #abhloosehighlighter - Vegas 💫 thank you for sharing your work ! #anastasiabeverlyhills

AnastasiaBeverlyHills

Gorgeous look @missmixed using the #ABHxJackieAina Palette

AnastasiaBeverlyHills

Growing up in Romania, I studied art and architecture. I was deeply influenced by the overflow of culture, to the point that when I first started as an esthetician in America, I began to see the Golden Ratio in eyebrows. It should probably come as no surprise that now I search for it everywhere, including in my own home. I seek the principle in furniture, I surround myself with balance and proportion whenever I can. My home is my respite, and I’m so excited that I was able too share it this month with Architectural Digest. I hope you all love the photos! I would be curious to hear what sort of design inspires you. — @ANASTASIASOARE♥️ Credits: Photographer: @samfroststudio Writer: @elizabethquinnbrown

thefatjewish

I sold my wine company @drinkbabe to the largest alcohol conglomerate in the world while wearing assless leather chaps to meetings and having one of the stupidest haircuts of all time. Anything is possible in 2019 you guys. No, but like seriously, fucking ANYTHING.

AnastasiaBeverlyHills

Jackie,Jackie,Jackie, Jackie, Jackie 🙌🏻 the #abhxjackieaina Palette is now in stores @katiewakenshaw wearing the palette beautifully

troubleman31

Happy C-day Lil Bro.... We’ve all faced trauma and dealt wit death our whole lives but for some reason yours hit different... Even still we stand solid. You left an undeniable legacy behind for all of us to use as a blueprint to success. With love and respect we represent & salute you daily!!! #TMC🏁👑💙🙏🏽

anastasiaBeverlyHills

NEW Loose highlighters in Peach Fizz & Vegas @theartistofbeauty

anastasiaBeverlyHills

The looks using #ABHxJackieAina Palette with eye primer first and our liquid liner @byellieroden

troubleman31

RP: @blackwall.st We GOT This👑 #USorELSE✊🏽

anastasiaBeverlyHills

The NEW Luminous Foundation and Loose Powder launch in all stores and online with US retailers tomorrow

anastasiaBeverlyHills

Gorgeous @godjfufustick Wearing the #abhxjackieaina Palette

anastasiaBeverlyHills

Flawless look @mishelsbeauty * #ABHFoundation Shade 305N * Loose Setting Powder in Banana * Brow Wiz Ebony and Clear Brow Gel * Dewy Setting Spray

anastasiabeverlyhills

Close up look at the #ABHxJackieAina Palette @alexvelour created a beautiful look using the palette and Dipbrow Gel in Dark Brown on brows

troubleman31

🐐

anastasiabeverlyhills

NEW Liquid Liner! ✨Ultra matte, super black, waterproof and long wearing ✨ MUA @anthonymerante

anastasiabeverlyhills

Beautiful @eyesonjesss Wearing our NEW Luminous Foundation in 300C & Translucent Loose Powder #abhfoundation

ANASTASIABEVERLYHILLS

#abhxjackieaina Palette @makeupcheryl

ANASTASIABEVERLYHILLS

NEW Liquid Liner 🖤 @rebellebeautyx • Waterproof • Matte finish • Deep black #abhliquidliner

ANASTASIABEVERLYHILLS

Full face ABH @thebeautyradar

troubleman31

Classic on Classic #BabyJunie

troubleman31

Master of Magenta And The Mrs.👑

troubleman31

Super proud to present this piece with @teyanataylor & @theauntiesinc‼️ We worked so F’n hard on this for months.... it’s an absolute honor to build and create with such amazing storytellers. Also thankful @mshannahkang could pull everything together “miracle style” for us at the last minute. Awesome outcome yet again sis... THX!!! 🙏🏽👑

troubleman31

Bag Talks💰 @hideokibespoke

troubleman31

Gettin Ready Like a Playa... It’s a Lifestyle... #PremierNight

ANASTASIABEVERLYHILLS

That glow 😍 @makeupbyolena • Dipbrow Pomade in Blonde • NEW Luminous Foundation in shade 130N #abhfoundation

ANASTASIABEVERLYHILLS

What a wonderful day @Beautycon! Thank you @moj for inviting me and give me a chance to share my story with young entrepreneur and makeup artist from all over the world . I want to thank all our fans for coming and for the # ABHlove ❤️🙏🏻 #anastasiabeverlyhills #anastasiasoare

troubleman31

Slime Time 🦠🔋🐉🌵🐊🐍🦎🦖 8/16 #SoMuchFun @thuggerthugger1

ANASTASIABEVERLYHILLS

#ABHxJackieAina Palette 🎨 👑 @jackieaina

ANASTASIABEVERLYHILLS

This palette 🙌🏻 @evelynnnxo_ BROWS: • Brow Wiz in “Ebony” + Clear Brow Gel • -------------------------------------------------------- EYES/FACE : • #ABHxJackieAina Palette• • “Berry Adore” blush trio • •“Saddle” #abhbronzer • “Vegas” Loose Highlight • ABH liquid liner • Dark Side water proof eyeliner • ——-------------------------------------------- LIPS: • “Big Wig” from Jackie Aina palette + clear lipgloss ——————————————————————— #anastasiabeverlyhills #anastasiabrows

ANASTASIABEVERLYHILLS

Love this look 😍 @blendbunny EYES • #ABHxJackieAina Palette in shades Supreme, Big Wig, Credit, Trust Issues, and Pinker FACE • Luminous Foundation in shade 250C and Loose Highlighter in Vegas BROWS • Dipbrow in Granite

troubleman31

Grand Hustle🎬presents... A short film Directed by @teyanataylor Written by 🙋🏽‍♂️ Premiering Sunday 8-11-19 @thegatheringspots Hit @mshannahkang For details 🎬📽🎞🎥🔥

ANASTASIABEVERLYHILLS

"Get flawless ⭐️NEW foundation available at @ultabeauty NEW ⭐️ABH Luminous Foundation shade 290C * brow-#dipbrowgel - dark brown. * MUA- @anthonymerante * Model- @fiona.bl #anastasiasoare #anastasiabeverlyhills #anastasiabrows

troubleman31

@meekmill Super proud of you Lil Bro I been here for the whole ride and it’s been REAL‼️ Looking forward to seeing what the future holds for you King 👑Congratulations On all your success...you fought hard & worked hard for it...you deserve it all!!! #FREEMEEK OUT NOW #AmazonPrime

troubleman31

FYI ‼️

anastasiabeverlyhills

@jackieaina wearing the #ABHxJackieAina Palette 😍🎨 gorgeous ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ Mua @kingmalimagic Photo @brianziff Stylist @xavierlebron Hair @iamalonzoarnold

anastasiabeverlyhills

A wing that will last through this heat because it’s waterproof • ABH Liquid Liner @mvjdvmakeup

anastasiabeverlyhills

Set it 🙌🏻 @amberroseoatman * NEW Luminous Foundation shade 355N * NEW Loose Powder in Vanilla #abhfoundation #abhvanillapowder

troubleman31

It’s a Lifestyle...

anastasiabeverlyhills

Oh my 😍 NEW Loose Highlighters in Vegas & Peach Fizz ✨ @annybeeutee

anastasiabeverlyhills

🎨 ✨ #ABHxJackieAina @jackieaina Palette is live on our website 🙌🏻 . • If you don’t see the palette live please REFRESH your browser •In the event of high web traffic there might be a delay in check out. • Please take your time and fill out the billing and shipping info accurately, and do take the time to proof it. • Also during high traffic periods there can sometimes be a delay in receiving your email confirmation. • Please know that your email will arrive by end of day

anastasiabeverlyhills

So fresh, so pretty 🙌🏻 NEW Foundation SKIN • NEW Luminous Foundation shade 140N set with NEW Loose Powder in shade Vanilla BROWS • Blonde brow powder FACE GLOW • Crystal Loose Pigment - Set with Dewy Set setting Spray BODY GLOW • Shimmer Body Oil . Mua @rokaelbeauty Photo @askyeff Model @tanyakizko

anastasiabeverlyhills

So fresh, so pretty 🙌🏻 NEW Foundation SKIN • NEW Luminous Foundation shade 270C set with NEW Loose Powder in shade Vanilla BROWS • Dipbrow Gel in Dark Brown FACE GLOW • Sand & Crystal Loose Pigments for face and shoulders - Set with Dewy Set setting Spray BODY GLOW • Shimmer Body Oil Mua @rokaelbeauty Photo @askyeff Model @laurasanchezwhitesnow

anastasiabeverlyhills

The birthday 👑 @jackieaina Wearing the NEW #ABHxJackieAina Palette 🎨 Mua @kingmalimagic • Styling @xavierlebron • Hair @iamalonzoarnold • Photo @brianziff

troubleman31

Real Life Black Panther🙅🏾‍♂️ Super Hero Sh*t Love and Respect Brother... We thank you & Salute you!!! #USorELSE✊🏽

troubleman31

Now Let that sizzle in ya spirits this Sunday. 🙏🏽 May Gods peace,blessings & comfort surround the souls that perished in California, El Paso Thx, & Ohio ...& as usual .... it’s 🖕🏽Agent Orange & all his lil home grown terrorist,white sheet wearing “inferior supremacist” Patnas who carry these hateful acts off in his honor. Attn.🚨Whether y’all aware of it or not... WE ARE ALREADY AT WAR‼️Just that it’s only US getting hit... WAKE UP‼️ #USorELSE✊🏽

anastasiabeverlyhills

Luminous Foundation 🙌🏻 - Medium coverage - Natural finish that looks and feels like glowing gorgeous skin - 50 shades - Vegan - Gluten-free - Fragrance - Free - Alcohol-Are - Clinically tested - Dermatologist tested - Ophthalmologist tested - Non-comedogenic - Suitable for sensitive skin - Long-wearing - $38 - 30 mL / 1.0 Fl. Oz. ✨✨✨Launch dates ✨✨✨ - 8/4 for ABH.com - Early preview 8/4 Ulta online and in store - 8/15 starting roll out domestic retailers online and in store. - #abhfoundation

troubleman31

Disgraceful.

anastasiabeverlyhills

Luminous Foundation 😍 @hotfire.makeup #abhfoundation

troubleman31

I don’t think this makes US “Great Again”... #USorELSE✊🏽

troubleman31

The accuracy ‼️ #USorELSE✊🏽

anastasiabeverlyhills

Winged liner can be so satisfying @gloschi Using our NEW Liquid Liner ✔️ ✨Launch Details ✨✨ 8-6 on ABH.com • 8-15 online & in store all US retailers •8-16 all international retailers and online

anastasiabeverlyhills

This look is so gorgeous! Love a gold shadow moment @amnaysglamgram • Riviera Palette • Brow Wiz in Dark Brown

troubleman31

Who me? Oh I’m Just casually sun bathing on the Cullinan in AKOO @akooclothing ..... @hnhh_official #Revalations Check it out‼️👑

troubleman31

It’s a Cold Game 🥶 Fulla Nasty Dealers😡 👀Look Alive Out There👀

anastasiabeverlyhills

Liner ✔️ @makeupbygaux ABH liquid liner - launch details below ABH Dipbrow gel “Caramel” ABH Clear Brow gel ABH Soft Glam palette ABH loose highlighter “So Hollywood” ✨Liquid Liner Launch Details ✨✨ 8-6 on ABH.com ✨ 8-15 online & in store all US retailers ✨8-16 all international retailers and online #abhliquidliner

anastasiabeverlyhills

A full ABH face at last 😍 FACE • ABH Luminous Foundation shade 470C & Deep Peach Loose Setting Powder . EYES & BROWS • Soft Glam Palette & Brow Wiz Dark Brown . . ✨✨MUA • @kingmalimagic ✨✨Photo • @brianziff ✨✨Hair • @hairbyalextan ✨✨Creative • @studio_abh ✨✨Model @aissatatdiallo

troubleman31

Trap Muzik needed this ‼️

anastasiabeverlyhills

✔️ that Liner @makemeupmissa BROWS• duo brow powder (blonde) dipbrow Pomade (dark brown) & dipbrow gel (medium brown) _ EYES • New Liquid Liner • launching 8-6 on ABH.com & 8-15 in stores and online with retailers

anastasiabeverlyhills

On July 29th, 1989, I arrived for the first time in America — 30 years ago .Every year, this anniversary serves as a moment of reflection and introspection. As many know, I didn’t come to the states with any sort of grand plan, and as an immigrant who didn’t know the language, the odds were stacked against me. But I knew I was a hard worker. I knew I had passion, vision, and drive. So every year, I reflect on all the blessings I’ve enjoyed because of my career: Giving my daughter a purpose, something that she is so passionate about. Doing Oprah’s brows on live national television. Doing the brows of the First Lady, and making me feel like such a true, proud American. And most importantly, devoting the last 30 years of my life to my clients and crafting products for my ABH family. If I was able to do it, everyone can do it — just believe in yourself. Be prepared to work hard and make the necessary sacrifices on your way to reach the stars. To everyone out there who feels behind already, or that they haven’t found their niche, know that it is never too late to begin to bloom, to be struck suddenly with the idea that changes the course of your life forever. I am eternally grateful for the people who have helped me get here: those who I work with (I couldn’t do this without my team) and our ABH customers — you are the reason for this journey. Remember to pursue what makes you feel powerful. That is also what makes you beautiful . ❤️#anastasiasoare #anastasiabeverlyhills

anastasiabeverlyhills

ABH Luminous Foundation shade range. Swipe left for all shades. Model shades marked on the bottom of each photo. #abhfoundation

anastasiabeverlyhills

We couldn’t launch foundation without some setting powders. ABH is launching 5 essential setting powders to set fair to deep skin tones. Butter smooth controls oil but doesn’t dry under eyes. - Translucent (everyone) - Vanilla (fair - light) - Banana (medium to deep) - Deep Peach (medium to deep) - Golden Orange (deep) ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ - 5 shades - Formulated without gluten and oil - Clinically tested, dermatologist tested and noncomedogenic - Cruelty-free and vegan - $36 - Net wt 25 g / 0.9 Oz. ✨✨✨Launch dates ✨✨✨ - 8/4 for ABH.com - Early preview 8/4 Ulta online and in store - 8/15 starting roll out dom

anastasiabeverlyhills

We are so excited to announce the launch of our Luminous Foundation 😍 - Medium coverage - Natural finish that looks and feels like glowing gorgeous skin - 50 shades - Vegan - Gluten-free - Cruelty Free - Fragrance - Free - Alcohol-Free - Clinically tested - Dermatologist tested - Ophthalmologist tested - Non-comedogenic - Suitable for sensitive skin - Long-wearing - $38 - 30 mL / 1.0 Fl. Oz. ✨✨✨Launch dates ✨✨✨ - 8/4 for ABH.com - Early preview 8/4 Ulta online and in store - 8/15 starting roll out with domestic retailers online and in store. - #ABHfoundation

anastasiabeverlyhills

Brow Game 😍 @_joanh What’s your go to product? #anastasiabrows

troubleman31

@chancetherapper OUT NOW‼️ Can’t wait to listen....

anastasiabeverlyhills

Our new loose highlighters are so pretty 😍 @muagoals2 Vegas (white gold) & Peach Fizz (Golden Peach)

anastasiabeverlyhills

Love a bold look @misslilith Using both the Riviera & Alyssa Edwards Palettes 🎨 #abhxalyssaedwards #rivierapalette

troubleman31

Yoooo...U Can Win Any One Of These Shoes By Simply Donating 10$ To Help Those In Need!! Link In @traeabn Bio 🙏🏿 All For A Good Cause!

anastasiaBeverlyHills

Brow game @beatsbylizzie Using Auburn Dipbrow #anastasiabrows

anastasiaBeverlyHills

Pose!!! @makeup.messiah Using #Dipbrow Pomade shade Ebony & Clear Brow Gel #anastasiabrows

anastasiaBeverlyHills

We are also launching two new loose highlighters 😍🌟 - Vegas (white gold) - Peach Fizz (golden peach) - Swipe for swatches - anastasiabeverlyhills.com + anastasiabeverlyhills.co.uk 8/6 - Domestic 8/15 online only - International boutiques 8/16

anastasiaBeverlyHills

I want to wish you all the love and happiness in the world . All of which you deserve. You inspire and motivate so many people with your determination, and hard work . You are a fountain of youth- your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the life of people you love it’s amazing! I You never change Jennifer , you truly have defeated age !Today ,you are complete and that makes you more beautiful than when I met you 28 years ago. . I think of all the memories that will always last - and I have to say that you are one of the most special people in my life. Happy Birthday Jennifer @jlo ❤️👑

troubleman31

Y’all stop what you doin and go check out (wit ya 💳) my baby girl’s @zonniquejailee new collab w @luxekills OUT NOW‼️

troubleman31

Guess America’s Old habits are hard to break🤷🏾‍♂️ #SomeThingsNeverChange #USorELSE RP:@realdlhughley FRIENDSHIP BAPTIST CHURCH You’re officially on notice ‼️ What’s Goin on wit this❓

thefatjewish

2019 IS SO FUCKING WEIRD.

troubleman31

Still My Niggaz‼️🚫🧢 @c_rodthomas @macboneyfool @douggrandhustle #Indae #ATownVeterans #PSCOriginals #BriarhouseLegends #TBT

troubleman31

Pullin up to da party like...🛥

troubleman31

Limited Time Only LA‼️🏚👑 @theliltraphouse @trapmusicmuseum

troubleman31

❤️ @thrillist @TrapMusicMuseum

troubleman31

We UP 2 somn...📽🎞📺🎥 #ScaryPair😈👑💩

troubleman31

Aaaaaah the Memories.... Performing Trap Muzik in Death Traps...That of Legends. 🏚🎵👑💩 RP: @rubiconatl

troubleman31

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter” - MLKing #FreeFlacko A$AP‼️

troubleman31

Welp...There it is... Sweden’s now officially outside of the culture on the NO GO list!!! Until they #FreeFlacko It’s UP!!!!

troubleman31

Don’t let the FUN fool you... It’ll get tight on ya ass in no time!!! #BigWheelsKeepRollin #AScaryPair #MiamiNights #ItsUPthere

troubleman31

Laughing at da Lame shit all year like... #BigWheelsKeepRolling #MiamiNights #ItsaLifestyle

troubleman31

Happy Gday Cuzzo!!! @50cent On my way to Miami...YAKWTFGO #ITSUPTHERE This the pair that scare em right here!!!! #WaitForIt🍿📹🎞🎥📺‼️

troubleman31

Currently 🎧 @jidsv 👑nice fuckin it up wit u kid‼️ Thx for the opportunity✊🏽 #ROTD3 OUTNOW ShitFye🔥🔥🔥🔥🚫🧢

troubleman31

👑Rise & Grind Big Time👑

troubleman31

Now I get it... Whether I agree Or not!!!!! 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿 #BattleForLA

troubleman31

#ROTD3 Revenge Of The Dreamers 3 Midnight 🕛 🔥🔥🔥🔥

troubleman31

We have yet another H Town Legend running for city council in his respective community. THIS IS DOPE!!! @williedlive I’m riding with you!!! District B It’s time to DO THE RIGHT THING!!!! #USorELSE

troubleman31

Holdup Man...what you want for that lil money u got on ya???? 🤣🤣🤣 #BankRollMafiaTip

troubleman31

Say less 🤫🤭🤐

TheFatJewish

FUCK YES SUCK DICKS! Shouts to all my bears, wolves, otters, rats, pandas, bulls, cubs, circuit boys, closet jocks, twinks, twunks, drag queens, soft butches, stone butches, high femmes, lipstick lesbians, celesbians, diesel dykes, power bottoms, classic tops, verse boiiiis, leather daddys and everyone else in the rainbow THESE COLORS DON’T RUN #pride

THEFATJEWISH

YOU’D BE ABLE TO POSTMATES IT AND HAVE IT DELIVERED WITH A PINT OF ICE CREAM, GUARANFUCKINGTEED.

THEFATJEWISH

MY MOM HAS BEEN DOING THIS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY FOR FREE FOR 40 FUCKING YEARS

thefatjewish

I RECENTLY MET AN INFLUENCER MOM WHO IS PROMOTING “CBD EDAMAME FOR KIDS” AND AT THAT MOMENT I TRULY WISHED I HAD ALZHEIMER’S AND WOULD FORGET EVERYTHING I’VE EVER KNOWN ( @cxcope)

thefatjewish

I'm wayyyy too consistently stoned to keep all this fucking information straight, like TARMARIUS LONGNATHINGHAM, BROTHER AND UNCLE OF BARMARIUS LONGNATHINGHAM THE THIRD, RIGHTFUL HEIR TO THE THRONE OF THE SECOND KINGDOM OF DRAGONWIG, OKKKK NERDS ( @eliasswakim)

thefatjewish

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THE PLANS YOU MAKE WHILE PEAKING ON MOLLY AT SUNRISE DURING A DIPLO SET AREN’T ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN AND THAT YOU’LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE EVER AGAIN. (Twitter: @hipstermermaid)

thefatjewish

SPOKE AT HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL YESTERDAY, WAS MOST LIKELY THE FIRST PERSON EVER TO WEAR REALTREE OVERALLS WITH NO SHIRT AND USE THE WORD “HANDJOB” THREE TIMES DURING A LECTURE. ME AND @anitaelberse (WHO IS AN ACTUAL LEGEND) TALKED ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, HOW WE BUILT @drinkbabe, AND THE TIME ME AND MADONNA PRANK CALLED BONO DURING A SLEEPOVER. AND TO ANYBODY OUT THERE WHO HAS A SICK BUSINESS IDEA, DM ME BECAUSE I WANT TO INVEST AND HELP YOU BUILD SO YOU GET RICH ENOUGH TO BUY A FALCON FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME @harvardhbs, MEMORIES WERE MADE.

thefatjewish

I’m garbage at listening, but I’m honestly amazing at guessing a white girl’s name. I can pick a Lauren out of a lineup. I can spot a Lindsay/Lindsey from a block away. I CAN CALL AN ALLIE/ALLY/ALY/ALI BY ONLY SEEING THE BACK OF HER FUCKING HEAD. It’s truly a gift. ( @saradesdinn)

thefatjewish

MY WINE COMPANY @DRINKBABE IS CONSCIOUSLY COUPLING WITH THE FUCKING QUEEN, MY DEAR FRIEND/ BUSINESS GURU @EMRATA. LOOK FOR HER ON BILLBOARDS NATIONWIDE, STOMPING THROUGH CITIES LIKE GODZILLA IF GODZILLA HAD A MUCH BETTER BUTT

thefatjewish

*Names children Kayden, Jayden, Brayden, Ayden, Kaylen, Jadyn, Hayden, Peyton, Braedynn, Caiden, Zaidyn, Mackenzie, McKenna, Makayla, Jordynn and Kayleigh* (@versace_tamagotchi)

thefatjewish

HIM AND GWYNETH ON THE BOTTOM LEFT AS A LESBIAN COUPLE IN BROOKLYN WHO OWN A STORE THAT ONLY SELLS SCARVES FOR DOGS IS MY FAVE

thefatjewish

DRUNK ME RECENTLY BOUGHT SOBER ME 40 DVD COPIES OF “NATIONAL TREASURE.” I DON’T EVEN OWN A FUCKING DVD PLAYER.

thefatjewish

LAST WEEK SOMEONE I KNOW CANCELED THEIR 15-PERSON BIRTHDAY DINNER ON THE DAY OF AND I SWEAR I FELT LIKE I HAD SHOT HEROIN

thefatjewish

ALL I FUCKING CARE ABOUT IS CARBS AND LIKE 3 PEOPLE

thefatjewish

STOP BLAMING ASTROLOGY, YOU’RE ACTUALLY JUST A HUGE BITCH

thefatjewish

SO MANY PEOPLE WORKING ON A “CLEAN EATING PLAN” RIGHT NOW THAT WILL LAST EXACTLY 27 DAYS

thefatjewish

AM I DOING THIS RIGHT? @emrata

thefatjewish

SOME PEOPLE ARE AT WORK SOME PEOPLE ARE IN CABO SOME PEOPLE ARE DRUNK AT WORK, IT’S SO FUCKING CONFUSING WHAT ARE WE DOING

thefatjewish

I5 FUCKING PLANE TICKETS FROM CHICAGO TO PARIS, 10 PIZZAS, HOME ALONE DAD WAS BALLLLLINGGGGGGGG

thefatjewish

Not all heroes wear capes. Some are Armenian midgets who are slightly under the weather. ( @boujeeslut)

thefatjewish

So many $9 iced matchas, so little fucking income.

thefatjewish

“Grandpa, I’m a social media disruption specialist for a multi vertical gender fluid dating app!” said the 26 year old girl at Thanksgiving dinner to her grandfather who lost his hand in Korea and thinks Hillary Clinton worships Satan, who nods approvingly, yet is deeply confused and upset. ( @broazay)

thefatjewish

“White people love snitching so much, they invented yelp” - @desusnice

thefatjewish

HOLY FUCK THIS CANNOT BE UNSEEN ( @pizzaslime)

thefatjewish

THIS AIRPLANE PILOT IS VERY FUCKING GOOD AT HALLOWEEN

THEFATJEWISH

Wait, am I washed up because I’m worried that he’s ruining a cast iron pan with that sponge and the soap?? I NEED TO GO GET BLACKOUT DRUNK IMMEDIATELY AND RECLAIM MY FUCKING YOUTH.

thefatjewish

I WISH I WAS IN MYKONOS WITH LINDSAY LOHAN WATCHING HER DANCE ON ECSTASY IN A SILK ROMPER, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?

thefatjewish

Heyyyyyyy Russia, can you please stop trying to politically puppeteer us and maybe use all your teen hackers for some shit that we’d all actually be into? K THANKS BYEEEEE ( @samaranieves)

thefatjewish

One time I had unprotected sex with a white woman with dreadlocks who was a vegan, and she took a shit in my bathroom that literally smelled like a corpse filled with cabbage. Burned my eyes when I walked in there.

thefatjewish

The first guy to discover milk probably did a lot of other weird shit.

thefatjewish

I’m not gay, but fucking Joe Biden would be patriotic, right?

thefatjewish

Never fucking forget. #9/11

thefatjewish

Some girls want flowers. Some want ridiculously expensive sushi. SOME JUST WANT TO WANDER AROUND COSTCO SCARFING FREE SAMPLES @hinge

thefatjewish

I’m sure this comment section is going to be super fun and reasonable!

thefatjewish

ALSO, IF YOU GAVE IT SUNGLASSES I FUCKSSSSS WITH YOU. IF YOU PUT IT IN THE CENTER YOU’RE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL PSYCHO.

thefatjewish

Remember when the world was supposed to end in 2012? What happened to that? WHO FUCKED THAT UP

thefatjewish

2022: EVERYONE IS AN INFLUENCER (THOSE WITH UNDER 100 FOLLOWERS ARE REFERRED TO AS “NANO INFLUENCERS”), BUT NOBODY CAN CHANGE A FUCKING TIRE.

thefatjewish

SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE IN TAMPA WITH A HORRENDOUS LEG TATTOO WHO DOESN’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR DAD

thefatjewish

Hey guys, just a quick reminder that Blue Ivy’s life is sooooo much fucking better than yours. Have a great night peasants!

thefatjewish

I’ve been drinking rosé since 10:30, should I start drunk dialing celebrities I have in my phone? MICHAEL B JORDAN I’M SORRY IN ADVANCE DUDE

thefatjewish

People my age are having children on purpose and I still haven’t unpacked from a trip I took to Ibiza in fucking March. I got a UTI on that trip. ( @thekayanova)

thefatjewish

Kylie Jenner was on the cover of Forbes Magazine today for having a net worth of 900 million dollars, which is heartbreaking. I don't want to live in a world where Kylie Jenner doesn't have a billion dollars. WE MUST RAISE 100 MILLION DOLLARS TO HELP HER GET TO A BILLION, PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD, THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. LINK IN BIO TO DONATE.

thefatjewish

Asians are soooooo future.

thefatjewish

TAYLOR SWIFT IS THE GIRL IN SCHOOL WITH ONE SUPER LONG BRAID WHO IS DEEPLY OBSESSED WITH HORSES AND HAS HORSE STICKERS ALL OVER HER BINDER

thefatjewish

It’s hotter than Djimon Hansou wearing a Montcler jacket in a sauna out there, people.

thefatjewish

I don’t care if you’re a Reddit shitposting anarchist knife enthusiast who believes Hillary Clinton is a reptile, EVERYONE SHOULD BE DOING THIS ( @doughbvy)

thefatjewish

And I never encountered quicksand, which I was told would be an issue, plus nobody ever tried luring me into a van for “free candy”. I WAS A HUSKY CHILD WHAT THE FUCK PEDOS?? ( @melecevida)

thefatjewish

I PUT DESIGNER DRUGS IN MY BUTT 2 WEEKS AGO IN LAS VEGAS AND I’M STILL NOT FEELING OK. DON’T GROW UP, IT’S A TRAP.