I sold my wine company @drinkbabe to the largest alcohol conglomerate in the world while wearing assless leather chaps to meetings and having one of the stupidest haircuts of all time. Anything is possible in 2019 you guys. No, but like seriously, fucking ANYTHING.
More fan art!!! Me n my boo 😉
On some of my best days I see no human beings at all.
He gon ask who taught you that
The #FUT 20 ambassadors 🙌🔥 Check our Stories to see the new features in #FUT
✅Move to Dream Club ✅Cover of #FIFA20 Welcome @hazardeden_10 👊
Nobody: Me: In a Pool, with no water, no shirt.
Walk with me for a minute...
2019 IS SO FUCKING WEIRD.
Had the best time in Monte Carlo last night @twiga_mc always shows love!
Been around the world and I eye iiiiiii
Life is too short not to be happy 😁
Noah L. 4/20/19
Oh My Fest 🔥
My face when I heard they canceled Vestiville! 🤦🏾♂️sorry to all my fans man I was dying to rock! 🙏🏾
Brussels with my dawg
My boy said he need a passport...
Fuck y’all wait til I moisturize my shit again. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Found ittttt 😁😬😁😬
Lost my phone 🤦🏾♂️
Create your player. Pick your gear. Express your style on the streets 👟. #VOLTA ⚽️#BreakNewGround
That’s me!!!!!! Ain’t gon play no games bout this here!
Rooftop. Cage. Underpass. #VOLTA ⚽️ #BreakNewGround #FIFA20 🔥
I know a different love now. Happy Father’s Day.
#tbt #ttu #triggaman #804boy
Think I saw sumn! By the way....You don’t know Ant then you don’t know shit. #Antlanta
Caption this 🤣🤣🤣
Happy Birthday Mom!!!!!!! Queeeeeeen 👸🏽
As always, Thank you Atlanta. 🙏🏾
FUCK YES SUCK DICKS! Shouts to all my bears, wolves, otters, rats, pandas, bulls, cubs, circuit boys, closet jocks, twinks, twunks, drag queens, soft butches, stone butches, high femmes, lipstick lesbians, celesbians, diesel dykes, power bottoms, classic tops, verse boiiiis, leather daddys and everyone else in the rainbow THESE COLORS DON’T RUN #pride
Lift the trophy in Lyon. You can play a 2019 #FIFAWWC Final match now in #FIFA19! 🏆
Everybody be safe and have a good weekend. 🙏🏾
My son Noah. We are blessed and overjoyed. Peace 🙏🏾
YOU’D BE ABLE TO POSTMATES IT AND HAVE IT DELIVERED WITH A PINT OF ICE CREAM, GUARANFUCKINGTEED.
Wtf is going on
MY MOM HAS BEEN DOING THIS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY FOR FREE FOR 40 FUCKING YEARS
Happy Mother’s Day to my Mother and all the incredible Mother’s worldwide. All the first borns that Mother their siblings. All the aunts grandma’s, big cousinssss and also To those who don’t have their mother this Mother’s Day, sending you love and light 🙏🏾
Mumma’s Day flyaway contest, swipe for the details #mummasdaywithtrey
I RECENTLY MET AN INFLUENCER MOM WHO IS PROMOTING “CBD EDAMAME FOR KIDS” AND AT THAT MOMENT I TRULY WISHED I HAD ALZHEIMER’S AND WOULD FORGET EVERYTHING I’VE EVER KNOWN ( @cxcope)
4 games. 6 goals. 3 assists. @max.kruse10’s March was 😎 Congrats to the new @bundesliga_en POTM! #FIFA19 #FUT
I'm wayyyy too consistently stoned to keep all this fucking information straight, like TARMARIUS LONGNATHINGHAM, BROTHER AND UNCLE OF BARMARIUS LONGNATHINGHAM THE THIRD, RIGHTFUL HEIR TO THE THRONE OF THE SECOND KINGDOM OF DRAGONWIG, OKKKK NERDS ( @eliasswakim)
PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THE PLANS YOU MAKE WHILE PEAKING ON MOLLY AT SUNRISE DURING A DIPLO SET AREN’T ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN AND THAT YOU’LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE EVER AGAIN. (Twitter: @hipstermermaid)
SPOKE AT HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL YESTERDAY, WAS MOST LIKELY THE FIRST PERSON EVER TO WEAR REALTREE OVERALLS WITH NO SHIRT AND USE THE WORD “HANDJOB” THREE TIMES DURING A LECTURE. ME AND @anitaelberse (WHO IS AN ACTUAL LEGEND) TALKED ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, HOW WE BUILT @drinkbabe, AND THE TIME ME AND MADONNA PRANK CALLED BONO DURING A SLEEPOVER. AND TO ANYBODY OUT THERE WHO HAS A SICK BUSINESS IDEA, DM ME BECAUSE I WANT TO INVEST AND HELP YOU BUILD SO YOU GET RICH ENOUGH TO BUY A FALCON FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME @harvardhbs, MEMORIES WERE MADE.
I’m garbage at listening, but I’m honestly amazing at guessing a white girl’s name. I can pick a Lauren out of a lineup. I can spot a Lindsay/Lindsey from a block away. I CAN CALL AN ALLIE/ALLY/ALY/ALI BY ONLY SEEING THE BACK OF HER FUCKING HEAD. It’s truly a gift. ( @saradesdinn)
My boy and also my personal photographer @meldcole’s kickstarter campaign for his book GREAT is 80% funded w/ 3 days left to go. There are never before seen photos of many artists in it, including me. I backed it & now he needs you to do the same! Hit the link in his bio to buy the book and level up!! 🙏🏾
When somebody tell you a bold face lie 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Celebrate the 10th Anniversary of #FUT with the Birthday Squad! 🎉
*Names children Kayden, Jayden, Brayden, Ayden, Kaylen, Jadyn, Hayden, Peyton, Braedynn, Caiden, Zaidyn, Mackenzie, McKenna, Makayla, Jordynn and Kayleigh* (@versace_tamagotchi)
I’m still outchea grabbing air for the culture. Don’t fret.
FaceTime with my lil bruh be like 🤣🤣🤣🤣
HIM AND GWYNETH ON THE BOTTOM LEFT AS A LESBIAN COUPLE IN BROOKLYN WHO OWN A STORE THAT ONLY SELLS SCARVES FOR DOGS IS MY FAVE
DRUNK ME RECENTLY BOUGHT SOBER ME 40 DVD COPIES OF “NATIONAL TREASURE.” I DON’T EVEN OWN A FUCKING DVD PLAYER.
🏆🏆🏆 Can he be stopped? @F2Tekkz emerges victorious from 🇸🇬 and wins his 3rd #FUTChampionsCup of the year! #FIFAeWorldCup
Carniball starts now! 14 players in packs, 4 new Prime ICON Moments, 8 daily player SBCs and more! #FUT #FIFA19
The 🇵🇱 🐐 in #TOTW
Celebrate a defining moment in these ICON’s careers with the new Prime ICON Moments item! Available in packs now. #FUT #ICON #WinterRefresh
Midfield boss. @leon_goretzka is the #BundesligaPOTM for January! @bundesliga_en @fcbayern #FUT #FIFA19
16 teams, 7 games, 3 potential champions, 1 💪 new #FIFA19 cover. ... Get ready for the return of the UEFA Champions League with new content in FIFA 19. With special Champions League kits and player items, as well as your choice of a Neymar Jr, Kevin De Bruyne, or Paulo Dybala 10 match loan item for your team, there's no better time to get started in FIFA 19! Hit the link in our bio to learn more.
🔥🔥🔥 Form earned these Headliners a dynamic item that stays one in-form ahead! #FUT #FIFA19 #Headliners
HE’S DONE IT! @DullenMike 🇩🇪 becomes the youngest #FUTChampionsCup Champion ever! 👑🏆⚽️🎮 #FIFAeWorldCup
He’s only gone and done it again... @marcinho11 is the #BundesligaPOTM for the 3️⃣rd time this season! 🙌 @bundesliga_en #FUT #FIFA19
Believe the Hype. #FUT Future Stars live in-game from 6 pm UK. ⭐⭐⭐ #FIFA19
LAST WEEK SOMEONE I KNOW CANCELED THEIR 15-PERSON BIRTHDAY DINNER ON THE DAY OF AND I SWEAR I FELT LIKE I HAD SHOT HEROIN
ALL I FUCKING CARE ABOUT IS CARBS AND LIKE 3 PEOPLE
All 11 #TOTY players are now live in-game! 🙌🎉💪 #FUT #FIFA19
STOP BLAMING ASTROLOGY, YOU’RE ACTUALLY JUST A HUGE BITCH
#TOTY @cristiano 9️⃣9️⃣, Messi 9️⃣9️⃣, @k.mbappe 9️⃣7️⃣ available for the next 24 hrs! #FUT #FIFA19
This is the #FUT19 Team of the Year! Forwards available in-game from 6 pm UK! #TOTY #FIFA19
Who were the top 3 attackers of 2018? #TOTY revealed January 7! #FUT #FIFA
#TOTY starts on Monday! Which 3 midfielders would you pick? #FUT #FIFA19
Which 4 should be in the Team of the Year? #TOTY #FUT #FIFA19
Who was the top Goalkeeper in 2018? #TOTY #FUT #FIFA19
SO MANY PEOPLE WORKING ON A “CLEAN EATING PLAN” RIGHT NOW THAT WILL LAST EXACTLY 27 DAYS
SOME PEOPLE ARE AT WORK SOME PEOPLE ARE IN CABO SOME PEOPLE ARE DRUNK AT WORK, IT’S SO FUCKING CONFUSING WHAT ARE WE DOING
I5 FUCKING PLANE TICKETS FROM CHICAGO TO PARIS, 10 PIZZAS, HOME ALONE DAD WAS BALLLLLINGGGGGGGG
A champion rose again! @msdossary7 dominated in 🇬🇧 and lifted the #FUTChampionsCup December 🏆! #fifaeworldcup
The Group Stage is over, the #UCL Road to the Final players have now been upgraded in #FUT! #FIFA19
Not all heroes wear capes. Some are Armenian midgets who are slightly under the weather. ( @boujeeslut)
So many $9 iced matchas, so little fucking income.
“Grandpa, I’m a social media disruption specialist for a multi vertical gender fluid dating app!” said the 26 year old girl at Thanksgiving dinner to her grandfather who lost his hand in Korea and thinks Hillary Clinton worships Satan, who nods approvingly, yet is deeply confused and upset. ( @broazay)
THIS AIRPLANE PILOT IS VERY FUCKING GOOD AT HALLOWEEN
Wait, am I washed up because I’m worried that he’s ruining a cast iron pan with that sponge and the soap?? I NEED TO GO GET BLACKOUT DRUNK IMMEDIATELY AND RECLAIM MY FUCKING YOUTH.
I WISH I WAS IN MYKONOS WITH LINDSAY LOHAN WATCHING HER DANCE ON ECSTASY IN A SILK ROMPER, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?
Heyyyyyyy Russia, can you please stop trying to politically puppeteer us and maybe use all your teen hackers for some shit that we’d all actually be into? K THANKS BYEEEEE ( @samaranieves)
One time I had unprotected sex with a white woman with dreadlocks who was a vegan, and she took a shit in my bathroom that literally smelled like a corpse filled with cabbage. Burned my eyes when I walked in there.
The first guy to discover milk probably did a lot of other weird shit.
I’m not gay, but fucking Joe Biden would be patriotic, right?
Never fucking forget. #9/11
I’m sure this comment section is going to be super fun and reasonable!
ALSO, IF YOU GAVE IT SUNGLASSES I FUCKSSSSS WITH YOU. IF YOU PUT IT IN THE CENTER YOU’RE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL PSYCHO.
Remember when the world was supposed to end in 2012? What happened to that? WHO FUCKED THAT UP
2022: EVERYONE IS AN INFLUENCER (THOSE WITH UNDER 100 FOLLOWERS ARE REFERRED TO AS “NANO INFLUENCERS”), BUT NOBODY CAN CHANGE A FUCKING TIRE.
SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE IN TAMPA WITH A HORRENDOUS LEG TATTOO WHO DOESN’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR DAD
Hey guys, just a quick reminder that Blue Ivy’s life is sooooo much fucking better than yours. Have a great night peasants!
I’ve been drinking rosé since 10:30, should I start drunk dialing celebrities I have in my phone? MICHAEL B JORDAN I’M SORRY IN ADVANCE DUDE
People my age are having children on purpose and I still haven’t unpacked from a trip I took to Ibiza in fucking March. I got a UTI on that trip. ( @thekayanova)
Kylie Jenner was on the cover of Forbes Magazine today for having a net worth of 900 million dollars, which is heartbreaking. I don't want to live in a world where Kylie Jenner doesn't have a billion dollars. WE MUST RAISE 100 MILLION DOLLARS TO HELP HER GET TO A BILLION, PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD, THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. LINK IN BIO TO DONATE.
Asians are soooooo future.
TAYLOR SWIFT IS THE GIRL IN SCHOOL WITH ONE SUPER LONG BRAID WHO IS DEEPLY OBSESSED WITH HORSES AND HAS HORSE STICKERS ALL OVER HER BINDER
It’s hotter than Djimon Hansou wearing a Montcler jacket in a sauna out there, people.
I don’t care if you’re a Reddit shitposting anarchist knife enthusiast who believes Hillary Clinton is a reptile, EVERYONE SHOULD BE DOING THIS ( @doughbvy)
And I never encountered quicksand, which I was told would be an issue, plus nobody ever tried luring me into a van for “free candy”. I WAS A HUSKY CHILD WHAT THE FUCK PEDOS?? ( @melecevida)
I PUT DESIGNER DRUGS IN MY BUTT 2 WEEKS AGO IN LAS VEGAS AND I’M STILL NOT FEELING OK. DON’T GROW UP, IT’S A TRAP.