M-m-m-my mimosa. . . #challahatme #mymiamimimosa
Fuck it. Go on and clean your glasses with Zig Zag rolling papers. . . #miamimargarita 🍸
Late night rendezvous with the Miami moon. 🌕 . . #reyesfilter 💜
I ❤️ Cuban . . #cigars and #food
Crabby bitch gotta eat.
For your consideration: the tiniest pooper. (Swipe. Front to back, ladies.) . . #foryourconsideration #mrsmaisel #fyc #theplunge 💩
"And I will break your other fucking leg if we miss this plane!" . . #JFK #lameducks #fakeinjuriesforearlyboarding?
I want to be honest with my Instagram followers. Yes, I look amazing. But the truth is that this new look was achieved by a 6-week program of detox tea, sugarfree gum, and 16-hours of hot box yoga a day. . . Swipe to see my hot sexy lady parts ➡️ . . #boneable #boner
Missing my kids today. Also missing these "Bloody Stool" cookies. 🍪🍪🍪
Amstergangbang . . #BCN❤️ Basking in the #appleglow
I smell a rat. And he better have some euros. 🐀
I can't stop looking at his nose. It's like an olive with two holes. Or a tiny bowling ball with two holes. 🎳 . . I think he knows I'm talking about his nose. His nose knows.
Just what Gaudí had in mind. 🍌🍌🍌🍌
My son is obsessed with bees. He is very worried about their future and the future of the human race. Amy Anselmo @beelovedesignstudio made this amazing gold bee necklace for my little 🐝. . . He ❤️'s it! Thank you.
The surface of Mercury?
Every girl's dream. To have her face remind the world of a stool tool at malls across America. 💩🚽🎈👊🏻 #theplunge #mrsmaisel #stooltool
And then ride on this scooter the next morning. #ouch
Good morning. I'm gonna soil this chair and eat this fry. What're you gonna do about it? . . #LetThemEatFries @hollywoodreporter 👑🍟👊🏻 . . Make up by: @desiraecherman Hair extraordinaire: @valeriejacksonhair Photo by a kick-ass firestorm of a female who managed to make me feel somewhat comfortable doing this: @alexandragavillet 💕💕💕
Dear Diary, My 12th birthday was awesome! Woulda been even better if I had any friends to invite. But it's okay because I know one day I'm gonna blossom into a beautiful, delicate flower with tons of friends and I'll wear a bejeweled crown and wield a scepter that tells the world "Hey, world! Get a load a me! I'm somebody!" #mrsmaisel #taketheplunge
Last night I laid down with dogs. . And I'd do it again.
Cute idea, but I'd venture to guess that 90% of our audience doesn't know what a telephone cord is. #mrsmaisel #oldschool #48thandbroadway #nyc
Come see us live tonight!! @unionhallny doors at 9:30; show at 10pm . . A night of music and comedy with Me & The Amstergang. 💕
Smidge 💕 . . #mrsmaisel #susie+midge=smidge
Hey, assholes! This book ain't gonna read itself. . . It's here, it's here!! The new #familyguybook is out today!! Go to your local bookstore and pick one up. Or order it online. . . Bring it to my live show this Saturday, 5/18/19 @unionhallny and I will happily sign it! . . #familyguy #loisgriffin #bathroomreading #pottyhumor @familyguyfox
I am officially unfuckable, folks.🎉 . . #mrsmaisel
Happy Mother's Night 💕 . . Barcelona street art by @ivesone . . #familyguy #tagged #loisgriffin #mothersnight #lanochedelasmadres
Without you I'm just a sperm in a wrinkled sack. . . Nagyon szeretlek, Anyukám 💕 #HappyMothersDay
Come and see my big-ass-filthy hair!! I'll be performing live @unionhallny on 5/18. It'll be a night of comedy and music with me & The Amstergang. . . Tix at @unionhallny 5/18 Doors 9:30 Show 10pm
The little purple parts are few and far between. We're lucky when we find them.
Woke up with cunt face. Gonna wear it to work. Mornin' 🎈
Like "Good Will Hunting," but with chalkboard dicks instead of mathematical solutions. . . #Imissthem💔
Me and my old man. #eighteyes
Pre-order the new #familyguybook and bring it to my live show on 5/18/19 @unionhallny and I'll happily sign the damn thing. (Note: I had nothing to do with its creation, just supporting the dedicated team that worked their asses off to show you a glimpse behind the cartoon curtain.)
Don't let the fun end when your RX runs out. Use and re-use, you pill-popping freak. . . #earbudcase
May Day means so many things to so many people. . . #MayDay
Pamela and Susie are looking to swing. Spent the afternoon at CVS sizing-up the talent. . . #PlungerSwinging 💕 #mrsmaisel
How many more springs will I get? You never know. Better enjoy this one. 🌸
Just another day at my parents' house enjoying a tall cool glass of Big K Diet Cola. "Zero calories, drink freely!!" . . #99centstore #DrinkFreely #BigK #KampKrazy